Becoming Kings With Johnny King

Posted by John Livesay in podcast0 comments

Our body is our kingdom. We keep the peace inside our kingdom. In this episode, Johnny King, the author of Becoming Kings, shares his insights on reaching our highest potential to become kings in our kingdom. Our inner kingdom encompasses our mental, emotional, and physical well-being; the outer is our purpose in the world, while the eternal kingdom is the things you take to go beyond our human experience. Once these three kingdoms are in alignment, that is how we reach our highest potential. Johnny also shares some tips on how we can become productive. Tune in to this insightful interview!

—

Listen to the podcast here

Becoming Kings With Johnny King

My guest is Johnny King who has some great insights and a description of how to work on your inner, your outer, and your external kingdoms. Enjoy the episode.

—

My guest on the show is Johnny King. Before Johnny became a transformational coach for men to help them reach their highest potential, he first had to discover his own. Amidst the recession of 2010, Johnny was broke. In fact, $35,000 in debt, jobless, and picking up the pieces of a failed marriage, he thought he was done. Little did he know it was the start of his journey.

He resolved never to experience hopelessness like that again. For more than a decade, he’s built and sold several successful businesses. He owns multiple short-term rental properties, travels the world, and operates a growing HVAC business. He sells his book Becoming Kings worldwide while producing a podcast that I’ve been fortunate enough to be on called Becoming Kings. Out of the pain of countless losses, he systematically designed his habits and routines to create a life he fell in love with. He’s now teaching others those tools so you can realize your own dreams and truly become the king or queen of your kingdoms. Welcome to the show.

Thank you. It’s a privilege to be on and to connect with you once again.

We were talking before the show about how we spontaneously ran into each other at a dinner in Austin, where I live and you live in Denver, so it was completely unexpected and a lot of fun.

I got you by surprise, for sure.

I don’t know about you, but I put people in categories like this person lives here and I only live here. I’m like a man at the airport and I run into somebody, I’m not as shocked, or at a sporting event or something. You’re like, “There’s a lot of people here.” That was an intimate 30-peer supper club event. What are the odds of that?

As you well know, the longer career we have, the more people we connect with, so the more likely you’re going to run into someone and it’s hard to always connect a name with a face. Along with anything else, that’s a challenge for sure.

For me, moving to Austin years ago at the peak of the pandemic, even though I’ve been here for years, doesn’t feel like that. I feel like I’ve started to find my tribe and my friends. I lived in LA for many years and I would run into people much more frequently there. Anytime anybody knows my name at a grocery store or anything in Austin, I’m always shocked. Tell us a little bit about your own story of origin. Can you go back to where you grew up, college, or school where you got onto this journey of having some success before 2010 came along?

Similar to you, I grew up in the Midwest, primarily in St. Louis. The short of the long ultimately is that I grew up in a relatively traditional blue-collar, white-collar, Midwestern family with four other siblings and was busy and always running from sporting events to choir concerts to everything else. The older I got, the more I realized that there were things going on between my parents and their relationship and how deeply that started to affect my own behavior in relationships, romantic relationships, and my relationships with my parents.

My father was a workaholic and primarily, he was around, but he wasn’t necessarily emotionally present. That’s such a gift to have that level of that connection and that presence. Ultimately, my mom got ill in 2006 and passed away. It was not easy, but the first record scratch in where I thought my life was going in my vision of it.

I had gotten married shortly thereafter. My father came out of the closet the year after that. The year after that, my ex left. Everything that I knew for what my life was going to be on the trajectory I thought it was on was blown up. That started the journey of, clearly, the man that I had become, and the life that I created was all facade, quite frankly.

It was legit, but I was trying to fake it until I make it because I was so insecure. I didn’t know what it meant to be a man. I started to heal myself and my relationship with my father. All those things brought me back to being where I am now, proud of who I am, happy with what I’m creating, and having my father be one of my best friends, which was great.

What a full circle that is.

[bctt tweet=”Productivity is achievable in small steps.” username=”John_Livesay”]

That’s a huge part of my journey, for sure. That’s the short of the long.

Lots of healing there. It’s funny, I watched the Garth Brooks documentary on his life and you look at that career and you’re like, “Wow.” You don’t realize that even someone at that success level struggled for a long time. They left Oklahoma, went to Nashville, and came back in 24 hours like, “This isn’t for me.” He has this amazing career after getting discovered, and then in the same year, much like you.

This is what I find so fascinating about stories. We don’t have to be a famous person to have these kinds of events, multiple events. A divorce, dad coming out, career, financial challenge, any one of those things by themselves knocks people down and keeps them down for a while. I call it the 1-2 jab. I’m not even fully standing back up from that.

Garth says, “I got divorced after many years. I have kids with this woman. I lost my mom, my closest supporter.” That was devastating. You went through that with your mom getting sick and then finally, he decided to retire from performing because he wanted to spend time with his kids. He goes all in the same year. Talking about losing your identity. That’s why I was like, “Look at you. You had that 1, 2, 3 like Garth did.” For seventeen years, he was not performing. He’s remarried and his new wife said, “I think you should go back on the road.” He said, “Is anybody going to remember me?”

That journey, whether you’re a man or not, of being disrupted and getting knocked down is huge. Your name is King and the title of your book is Becoming Kings. I love some of the takeaways in this book. The one I wanted to start with is how can we avoid this ordinary person mindset and not sabotage our life of abundance.

Becoming Kings: The Modern Man’s Path to Being Powerful, Purpose-Driven, and Fulfilled In A World That Has Taught You Not To Be

Abundance is not, for me, defined strictly by money, but it’s how many friends I have. Do I have an abundance of health? Do I have abundance and joy? I’m asking you to describe, first of all, what abundance is and then what we are doing in our minds to prevent us from feeling like we don’t deserve it, do you think?

Answering your first question, I feel like abundance ties into yes, my last name is King and yes, I’ve played my branding off of that, but I feel like it’s always been something that I’ve been connected with and driven towards. It is wanting to live a life where I have exceptional health physically, emotionally, relationally, and financially. Back in the old days, a king obviously reigns over the kingdom and has riches and everything. I wouldn’t say so much that my definition of being a king is that traditional, let’s say, but more focused on what we as men have control over in our lives.

You could have a lot of things. You could look like you’re a king and yet still be deeply insecure and hurting. You could be addicted to various substances, doing horrible things in the world. That’s certainly not what I feel is a king. That gets to answering the second question, which is what I feel prevents us oftentimes is our own insecurity. That has a lot to do with our upbringing and our lack of mentorship.

That ordinary mindset is, “Who am I to think that I’m going to be successful? Who am I?” It’s almost like impostor syndrome a little bit.

It’s 1 of 2 things. I do feel like there are a lot of people that are “hugely successful” and yet they are so driven by their insecurities. They’re like, “I’m going to prove the haters wrong,” and everything else. My father, too, was driven that way and I can relate to it as well. We have these deep underlying skeletons in our closet that we’re not enough and that we’re not lovable, so I must achieve X, Y, and Z.

I feel like that’s what guys oftentimes do. If I can get this thing, if I can get this person to hitch their wagon to mine, if I can have this many commas in the bank or live in this area of town, then I’ll be set. A lot of times, we get it and then it’s not there. We’re like, “Is this all?” Nothing changes. If anything, we’re more depressed and lonelier.

I remember a friend of mine in LA was an actress and very successful for a period of time, so much so that she could afford to rent a beach house in the Malibu colony. She was on this successful sitcom and she was never more depressed. Nobody wants to hear about it because you’re living the dream. You’re on a sitcom, you’re in the Malibu colony, and you wanted to throw a 4th of July party. What most people don’t realize about Malibu is it’s foggy in July. They call it the gloom June, which extends into the 4th of July holiday.

There you are and you can’t see the fireworks and so nobody wants to come and it’s cold. You think the show you’re on is stupid and it’s not why you became an actress. You’re, again, feeling so isolated that you can’t complain because you’ve got the money. It transcends gender. I used to do that. “As soon as I get out of college, I’ll be happy. As soon as I live in this neighborhood, I’ll be happy.” I remember talking to another friend of mine who lived in Bel Air and she said, “Everyone always says the grass is always greener. What I’ve come to learn is it’s all grass and it all needs to be mowed.”

We’re defining ourselves by our ZIP code and the prestige of our address or our car and all that stuff. That’s why it wears off after a while, doesn’t it? For me, the whole process of buying a house is so arduous, but by the time escrow closes, I’m like, “I don’t care anymore.” Even the new car is fun and then it’s been a couple of months and now, that’s my new norm. What is it that you help people become, as you say, mentally bulletproof so that we’re a little free of all that? That’s one of the things in the book that’s so powerful.

I’ve learned this by having these types of amazing conversations. These are not my original ideas. I have learned that for me, a lot of my healing has come through relationships with myself, with God, with my dad, making amends and various other things, and taking responsibility. A lot of my identity, the way that I viewed myself before, was in my relationships of how I attached to people or attached my value or my sense of self-esteem or self-worth to what they thought of me.

I was somewhat of a chameleon. I was inauthentic in my interactions with them. I was never taking ownership of my own fulfillment, my own sense of self-love, peace, and congruency. I feel for anyone to be ultimately bulletproof would be to get to the point where sticks and stones can break my bones, but words cannot hurt you. It’s because you’re very secure with who you are. That’s ultimately not what I feel like a king or a queen. Not to use those words obviously, but someone who knows themselves through and through has very few craps to give and they love what they do.

They love people, they’re present, and they’re great at what they do. They’re like your 2:00 AM friends who, if you had a busted down car and you needed to call someone, you could rely on them. We’re blessed if we have multiple of those people in our lives. I feel like a lot of guys who didn’t have very great role models in their lives learned to be very pleasing, yes men, if you will, which is inauthentic. We were too worried about getting our feelings hurt or hurting other people’s feelings. At some point, to be bulletproof, you got to know yourself, have done the work, and know that you’re not going to make everyone happy and that’s okay.

Even as a sales keynote speaker, I have to realize that not everyone’s going to resonate with my message or me and that’s okay. When you’re free of being at the effect of other people’s opinions of you, then you’re off that self-esteem rollercoaster. If you’re willing to put yourself out there as you do, where you have these programs for men and helping them become resilient, helping them get fit, and helping them with their mindset, there’s going to be people who critique that.

Whether it’s on a YouTube comment or as a speaker, they usually send out surveys. The odds of all 500 people or however many on the audience loving you, some people are going to go, “He’s okay,” or some people rave, but if you let yourself attach to, “That person liked me so I’m okay and this person didn’t, so I feel bad about myself,” it’s exhausting, isn’t it? I’ve been on it.

It’s relentless. You don’t sleep. You can’t concentrate. You can’t ultimately be present for other people.

You talk about there being three kingdoms that we should each build. Can you tell us what those are?

I talked about them a little bit already without saying the names, but it’s your inner kingdom, which is where you first start. It’s that relationship with yourself where most guys think that, as we were saying earlier, the solution to their problems is an outside-in job. They’re looking for something outside of themselves to solve or fill the big void that’s within. It’s an inside-out job. You’ve got to work on the inner kingdom, the mental, emotional, and physical health.

You have the outer kingdom, which is more about what’s your purpose in the world. What are you here to build and contribute? At the end of the day, the older we get, the more we realize how short life is. What are you here to do? What’s the impact? Your eternal kingdom focuses more on what things you get to take with you beyond this human experience. We don’t get to take our bodies. We don’t get to take any of the things that we acquire, but I believe that we get to take the love, the memories, and the relationships. The eternal, long-lasting, never-ending kingdom is where the juice is. It’s the interactions with people.

It’s a little bit of a legacy that you’re leaving behind. Children, you can still leave a legacy, relationships you’ve built, or something you wrote that inspired someone. I love that you’ve labeled those. You’ve taken that branding to a whole other level. Why I’m impressed by that, Johnny, is it’s memorable. I’m always striving for what I can create and say that is memorable and actionable. You have labeled those in such a way that if something’s not working, we now have a go-to checklist.

Is this an internal thing? Am I not exercising enough or am I so depressed, upset, grieving, or whatever it is that the inner work is not happening? I’m not meditating or doing whatever we need to do. Is it, “I don’t even know what my purpose is?” That’s why people hire you. They go, “I’ve lost my way. I didn’t grow up wanting to be an accountant. Do I have to do this the rest of my life because this is what I know how to do, golden handcuffs? Is there another purpose I could maybe figure out?

People retire and they don’t know what their purpose is if they don’t have that job and that title anymore. There are so many people who need what you do at different stages of their life. I’m pretty disciplined and I know my purpose is this. I went to a friend’s memorial and I realized I don’t have any legacy. I’m blowing all my relationships off the minute work makes one request that I’m so afraid of saying no to because I won’t get that promotion or whatever else. There’s no balance here. I’m painting a picture of all the different scenarios of why people would want to come work with you. Is that pretty close?

[bctt tweet=”Failure to commit is the high cost of low living.” username=”John_Livesay”]

That’s close because before I’d started working with men, I was working with women for eight years. I was doing a lot of health coaching, which was anything but health coaching. It was all psychiatry and everything else, being like a therapist. I’ve started to realize so many of these women had amazing relationships with their spouses. They were a great mother, and they loved what they did, but their relationship with their physical health and their inner kingdom was blowing up all of it.

It’s similar to my mom. She had so much that was going for it, but because she didn’t take care of her own health, she passed away at 61 years old. A lot of times, when we would get into it, sure enough, there was a rape or an abortion. There was something that was unresolved. That was why they were overeating. We all have our things. That’s a hard one to hide when you have excess weight on you. A lot of us who are, let’s say, healthier can still hide porn addictions, alcohol, sex addictions, or gambling addictions. It’s oftentimes the result of things that we’ve had that are unresolved.

You might have a great body and a great business, but you have no legacy or no one to share life with. You’re like, “What is this all about?” You could have someone who’s amazing in your life and you could have great health, but you have no real passion towards something that you’re building. You have to have all three. I see them as like circles that overlap each other and right in that sweet spot where they all overlap is that congruence. That’s where I feel like a king ultimately lives.

It’s like a three-legged stool. With a missing leg, it’s going to fall over. I see here you also can help people with productivity. You don’t have to have attention deficit disorder to have challenges with distractions. We’re constantly being bombarded with distractions and people go, “I didn’t get anything done. All I did was put off fires.” I hear that often. What is the one little tip that could intrigue people to want to engage you to learn how they could be a little more productive?

I struggle with it too. I’ve attempted to eliminate as many distractions, particularly off my phone. However, because our phones are literally on us pretty much 24/7 when they weren’t twenty years ago, it’s so crazy difficult given that we’re all pretty much connected to devices in general. One simple one that, to me, makes a massive difference because I know of so many people who scroll at night, the first thing they do in the morning is to scroll is putting their phone across the room.

It’s such a simple thing. I charge it across the room so when I put it down and then get into bed, I can’t grab it. That is a big part of allowing yourself to slow down and then be able to focus on what you are aiming towards. This is a lot bigger conversation to do a whole episode on but focuses more on your external outer kingdom. What are you committed to? What are you creating? What’s your impact on the world?

In what way are you going to bed knowing that when you wake up, you have a fire lit underneath you to get those things done? There are so many different hacks that I have in my programs that help you be productive because I’ve had to work for myself for many years. I got no one to whip me or any boss to tell me. I have to get stuff done. Otherwise, there’s no food on the table. There are a lot of things there that we could get into.

You have worked on your own story, your own three kingdoms, and it shows. When I ran into you in Austin, you were happy. Your face lights up and I don’t feel you can’t fake that. When you feel someone’s energy and you don’t know what’s off, you go, “I don’t know what’s on, but everything’s on with this guy. I feel it. It’s not like he’s faking it.”

You’re walking your talk and that’s why people want to work with you. They can start by listening to your podcast. They could buy your book Becoming Kings and then the weekly newsletter. There are lots of ways to work with you. Do we just send everybody to JohnnyKing.com? Is that the best place for everyone to get into your world?

There are so many people obviously that are out there that can support. One of those things that you have to look for is some type of resonance. Do you connect with someone? I work with Christine Hassler and Stefanos, who are down there in Austin as well. They work with Preston and Alexi. I’m always looking for that type of person to connect with. Similar to you, people can look at my website and see what I’m up to and if what I’m doing resonates with them. If not, like connect with me and I’ll put you in touch with some people who are also amazing coaches.

It’s because you come from a place of abundance. That’s what I like about you.

I’m here to serve and connect people with.

It shows. Any last thought or a quote you want to leave us with?

Becoming Kings: What prevents us from becoming kings and queens is our insecurity. That has a lot to do with our upbringing and lack of mentorship.

There are several quotes that are up in my room that I look at, but there’s one that says, “Failure to commit is the high cost of low living.” It’s the commitment to improve, the commitment to be, which is scary to get out of the rut of. I know on paper everything looks good, but there’s something missing. It’s scary to upset the apple cart. Start creating healthy boundaries and start doing the work to figure out who we are and who we might love ourselves as. The lack of commitment usually results in a lot of regrets, so I don’t want to live my life that way.

Thank you, Johnny, for being you, for writing your book, and for offering so many ways for people to get all three kingdoms at maximum. Your impact is huge and I’m happy to be someone in a small way to get that out into the world. Thanks for coming to the show.

Thank you. Likewise, your energy is palpable, but it’s contagious. I saw you and people want to be around you. It was fun to connect and so fun to have you on my show. It’s fun to be on yours. Thank you for having me on.

My pleasure. See you soon in Austin.

You bet.

Important Links

• Johnny King
• Becoming Kings Book
• Becoming Kings Podcast
• Better Selling Through Storytelling Method Online Course

Wanna Host Your Own Podcast?

Click here to see how my friends at Podetize can help

Purchase John’s new book

The Sale Is in the Tale

John Livesay, The Pitch Whisperer

Share The Show

Did you enjoy the show? I’d love it if you subscribed today and left us a 5-star review!

• Click this link
• Click on the ‘Subscribe’ button below the artwork
• Go to the ‘Ratings and Reviews’ section
• Click on ‘Write a Review’

Love the show? Subscribe, rate, review, and share!

• Here’s How »

Join The Successful Pitch community today:

• JohnLivesay.com
• John Livesay Facebook
• John Livesay Twitter
• John Livesay LinkedIn
• John Livesay YouTube