Midlife Male With Greg Scheinman

Posted by John Livesay in podcast0 comments

 

It is often said that midlife is the time when men’s life starts to “die.” But more often than not, it’s actually the time most men really begin to figure life out, and that’s what Greg Scheinman talks about in this episode. Greg is a performance coach and author of Midlife Male, a genuine guide for men to live happier, healthier, and much more fun lives. As Greg always says, if it’s not fun, then we’re done! Tune in and learn all about Greg’s journey in writing the book, how he overcame through the heaviest years, how he received his wake-up call to actually live a better life, and how you can make all of that, too!

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Listen to the podcast here

 

Midlife Male With Greg Scheinman

Our guest on the show is Greg Scheinman, the author of The Midlife Male. He says, “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities.” Also, his whole philosophy is, “If it’s not fun, then we’re done,” and finally, how deprivation is not sustainable. Enjoy the episode.

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Our guest is a friend, Greg Scheinman, who is a performance coach, the host of The Midlife Male Podcast and the Creator of Midlife Male, the premier digital media community for middle-aged men seeking to maximize their lives. In 2018, he launched the Midlife Male Movement to help men like him in their 40s and 50s to strive to be their best selves by getting active, curious, naked and real. Greg has played many roles in his life such as a filmmaker, a sports video producer, a TV host, a fitness studio owner, an insurance broker, a performance coach, an executive athlete and most importantly, a friend, father, husband, brother and son. Welcome to the show, Greg.

John, thank you for that introduction. It’s great to be here. I’m like, “Have I done any of that stuff?”

I love to ask my guests their stories of origin. You can go back to your childhood because I know your dad played a big part in your life. You can go back to when you got into fitness or wherever you want to take us to start your story.

I appreciate it. I’ll work backward a little bit. You mentioned my father. One point of origin for me is that my father was 47 when he passed away. One of the things I speak about is that at 47, that’s when my life began. It’s the beginning of what I call the next and best phase of my life. We’re here in early November 2022 and I’ll be 50 in December 2022. It’s been that kind of a journey. You may call me a slow learner or a late bloomer but here we are.

As far as my origin, I was born and raised in Long Island, New York. I was super close to my dad. My parents were great. I’ve got two younger brothers. I had nowhere to go but down, in a way, from where we were raised. We were raised in an upscale, privileged community. It was an interesting way to grow up. I learned a lot as I got older.

Unfortunately, my father passed away when I was 17 and he was 47. I was heading off to college. I was moving to different locations. I went to school in Michigan and Florida. I also spent time in California. I learned a lot. I’m a slow learner and a late bloomer. It was the origin of where my life started. Here we are, where my life has transformed and begun again.

You’ve had quite the journey. I follow you on Instagram. It’s @GregScheinman for anyone who wants to follow you. Congrats on having over 10,000 followers. That’s not an easy feat either. You talked about your son going to college. I was moved by the lessons that you had for him. Since I have more context and texture on your dad dying when you were seventeen, I’m guessing your son was around that age when he went off to college.

I was seventeen and was heading off to school. Our son’s a little bit older. He’s nineteen. He was eighteen when he left for school. It was the same age and the same stage.

Were you able to say some things to your son about life lessons that you wished your dad had lived long enough to tell you?

I say way too much to my son. I over-index in that area based on maybe what I’ve gone through. I’m the waterworks guy. I’m a sensitive, vulnerable person. I’m the, “You’re not letting me go. I’m not letting you go,” kind of guy. To me, this is all bonus time so I don’t know how to behave. I didn’t get to see that from the other side. I go on pure emotion and pure heart. I’m like, “The more time I get with you, the more that I can share with you and the more that I could expedite your learning curve, share experiences and maybe save you from the pitfalls, failures and things that I got wrong along the way.”

I also keep thinking about all the things I still haven’t gotten to. Nobody taught me how to play poker and how to tie a tie. It was all the little things. I was like, “Am I covering this? Did I get to that?” I read all these other books about fathers teaching their kids things, life lessons and quotes. That is a long-winded answer to saying, “I throw up all over him.”

In your book, The Midlife Male, one of the six Fs that you have in there is Family. Let’s dive into that a little bit beyond that situation. Do you remember off the top of your head some of those beautiful tips? Whether you’re a man or a woman reading this, I feel that everyone wants to give the people in their life, whether they’re a parent or not, uncle or whomever some life lessons, tips or mentorship. You had so many beautiful ones. Do you remember a couple that you could share of what you wanted? The big takeaway for me from the outside looking in was that you love him unconditionally. In other words, he’s not having to go to college to prove himself to you.

That’s certainly one and I’ll touch on that a little bit. I spent a lot of years chasing authenticity and doing things that maybe you’re supposed to do or you think you’re supposed to do but be successful. You go to college and get a job. You’re supposed to dress a certain way or look a certain way. You’re then supposed to maybe make a certain amount of money. You get married. It seems like there’s a path for men.

In a lot of ways, for men, success is defined as salary and title. Everything else comes secondary, tertiary and so on. I try not to give advice. I’d rather share experiences. Once I changed the framework from viewing success as salary and title, over-indexing in those areas, what was outward facing, whether that was money, car, title, job or house and flipped it inward, it was the more holistic view of success. That is where my success came from. What does success look like to me? It is family, fitness, finance, food, fashion and fun. These are the things I’m into for a variety of different reasons.

You are quite the snazzy dresser. Even your shoes are always on point.

When I say, “People are fashion,” people are like, “What do you mean by fashion?” What I mean there is style and confidence. What makes you feel good? What makes you feel like you? I spent a lot of years in the professional service industry. There was a certain look. It never felt like me in there. It is attributes like that when success went from a one-dimensional approach to a more holistic approach. What does your total life portfolio look like? That’s when everything got better. One of the things I try to talk to both of my boys about is doing what makes them happy and feel fulfilled.

[bctt tweet=”Deprivation is not sustainable.” username=”John_Livesay”]

You were in your 30s when you built this award-winning sports DVD business. It got bought by Michael Eisner who used to run Disney. You are not just theoretically talking about, “Success is empty. For some people, that’s all you have.” You experienced it and therefore realized there’s more to life than just making money.

I’ll give you a story arc. You’re a storyteller. The story arc is everything’s going along fantastic. I’m seventeen years old when my dad passes away. It was the first adversity I’ve ever experienced in my life. I go off to college and go off the rails. I’m like, “Nobody’s watching and controlling me.” In my twenties, I landed my first job as Harvey Weinstein’s assistant right out of college. I thought I wanted to be in the film business. At the time, he was the top of the food chain. My big claim to fame early on was telling Harvey to eff off twenty years before the #MeToo era. I had such a big ego that it never occurred to me that I still couldn’t be successful in the film industry.

I went out, produced a few films and realized that wasn’t a healthy scenario. In my 30s, I get out of entertainment altogether, move to Houston and end up starting this video production company which ends up getting me back into the Hollywood situation by virtue of acquisition and the partnership with Eisner. Once they pull you out, they pull you back in. I realize that wasn’t what I wanted either in terms of entrepreneurship and success. I fell off the rails again.

Many people, whether they had success in multiple industries or they said, “I went to law school. I hate being a lawyer but I feel like I have to stay and do this the rest of my life. I don’t think I can do anything else to make that kind of money,” you are inspiring people in this community you’ve created. It is to say, “It’s never too late to change.” That’s my big observation of what you’re doing.

I’ll keep saying I am a slow learner or a late bloomer. I believe that it’s never too late. We have the opportunity to live again and be healthier, happier, longer, wealthier and stronger than ever before.

Let’s pick up the story again. You’re like, “That is not for me. Working for Harvey was not the thing. Even this DVD thing as an entrepreneur is not the thing. I’m going to do something else.” You have a little bit more tragedy. Somehow, your brother gets put in prison.

My brother was in prison for seven years. With what he did, he was very successful at it. Unfortunately, what he did was not legal. That’s what happened there. There are two things. You lose your life or you lose your freedom. Both of them change the way you see things and they did for me. I didn’t want to squander these opportunities anymore. I didn’t want to squander my life or my freedom, whether that was through a job, not taking care of myself or anything.

Sometimes, these things happen around the occurrence. For me, they happened over a long period to get to a place that maybe should have happened sooner or differently to go, “Haven’t you figured out that you could get sick and die? Haven’t you figured out that you could lose your freedom? Haven’t you figured out that you shouldn’t smoke or drink? How many times do you need to be hit over the head with these lessons before you start to make changes in your lifestyle and show up?”

 

That leads to the fitness thing. For those of you who haven’t seen Greg in person or on his website, he is 4% body fat or something amazing. Yet, you also talk that at one point, you struggled with weight, which so many people aren’t going to even fathom. When they see somebody so fit, they go, “He has been fit their whole life. He’s continued that. It’s too late for me. I was never fit so I’m continuing to get worse.” You’re like, “No.”

When I was ten years old, my mom took me shopping to go back to school. She’s like, “I’m sorry. You’re going to have to buy these pants size that is called husky.” I was humiliated. I knew that was a polite word for a fat kid. That image we have of ourselves at ten can carry on. I’m not the only one that gained a lot of weight during the pandemic. I’m like, “This so doesn’t fit anymore.” There is all that stuff. What I love about what you’re doing is you’re helping people not only have financial expertise. The fiscal, you’re combining that with the physical. Those two things go hand in hand a little bit, don’t they?

For me, that bucket that I talked about of family, fitness, finance, food and fashion is all connected. It is what you put on your body, what you put in your body and how you show up. It is the preparation, consistency and accountability. That’s in the gym. That’s outside of the gym. It’s not about having the biggest bank account or being the most jacked.

There is a lot of white space between all of this. It’s about what success looks like for you and what the best version of you is. Aesthetics are a bonus or a benefit of healthy living. It doesn’t mean all that much. I rarely ever get sick and I’ve been sick. I can tell you aesthetics are meaningless. How you feel is everything.

It’s that reminder. What I find fascinating about your framework of the six Fs is that food and fitness are equal. For most people, they think, “If I’m going to be a fitness person. I’m giving up my love of pizza or my love of food, in general, and rich foods.” You’re like, “You can still enjoy food.” That is a very unique take as well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anybody combine all of these into one framework where you can have all of these things working with you. Probably for someone who tends to eat too fast and not taste the food because they’re eating compulsively or emotionally, that’s what happens. Talk a little bit about how you changed your relationship with food and how you help other people do that.

For one, I love food and my wife loves food. We wish our boys love food as much as we do in terms of an expansive pallet. We’re going to get there. The point being is that deprivation is not sustainable. I talk about it a lot. It’s sustainability, longevity and lifestyle. I don’t particularly care for words like diet deprivation. Supplements are way overused and over-indexed. They’re to supplement things that you’re deficient in. If you’re not deficient, you don’t need supplements, per se, in there. I talk about the use of science in a lot of ways too in terms of getting your blood work done, getting your physicals done and understanding what your body responds well to what it does.

Far too often, we’re jumping on these bandwagons. We’re like, “I should be keto. I should be paleo. I should do intermittent fasting. I should not eat carbs.” We don’t know as far as how we respond to these things. I tend to slant more toward the 80/20 side. I eat clean 80% of the time. By clean, I have foods that are proven for me. I know my body responds well to them. Are they perfect? No. Do I count macros, calories and fat? There is none of that. I’ve got a 30-year body of work.

Here’s the other thing. It is a lifestyle. It’s been good, it’s been bad and it’s been better when you figure stuff. I say that even food is one of the Fs. There is fitness too. Fitness is health. Fitness means a lot of different things. First of all, you got to like it or see if you want to keep doing it. Try different things. Food is the same way. You’ve got to enjoy what you’re eating.

[bctt tweet=”If it’s not fun, then we’re done.” username=”John_Livesay”]

What I’m hearing is that variety is one of your secrets, whether it’s a workout or the kinds of foods you’re eating to keep yourself motivated to keep doing it even.

Fun is one of them too in there. The motto is, “If it’s not fun, then we’re done.” Who wants to eat, day in and day out, things that they do not like? To me, that doesn’t sound like a whole lot of fun no matter what the result is. Often, we look at the outcome and picture. When we look at the meal, people say, “What did you eat?” It’s consistency over time as you’re living a life by design that gets you to maintain, look, feel and perform the way you want.

That is what you mean when you say you are a performance coach. You’re not saying, “I coach athletes to perform in the Olympics.” You’re talking about performing at your best in an obvious situation you’re in, whether it’s work or personal.

That is in life. The way that I coach and work with guys across the country is in all of these areas. It is conceptually about turning these Fs into As. Some guys have a different F. Some guy is like, “I don’t care about the fashion side or the style side of things.” This is not about being on the cover of GQ magazine either. It is about getting dressed, showing up and looking a certain way about how you perceive yourself and how you want others to perceive you. You can wear jeans and a t-shirt every single day. Quite frankly, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do that. If you’re also in shape, eating well and well-groomed, it’s all connected in a way.

I remember once hearing somebody talk about a woman say, “I can never meet any guys on airplanes.” I hear other women meet guys on airplanes. Her girlfriend said to her, “Have you seen what you wear on an airplane? You look like you crawled out of bed.” When I worked at a fashion magazine, we used to say, “Everybody puts on clothes but not everybody gets dressed.”

It’s so true. The old saying used to also be, “Clothes make the man.” It’s not about spending a lot of money. We’ve all seen guys in five-figure suits that look like crap, quite frankly. It’s not about spending. It’s how you carry yourself and put yourself together. It gets back to confidence, pride and a number of these characteristics.

I feel and perform better when I’m dressed a certain way for a certain activity. If I’m going to work out and train, I want to look a certain way because I feel more powerful. I’ll wear a certain pair of shorts, a t-shirt and a pair of shoes. Whatever it is, I want to be geared up for that activity. It’s the same thing in business. If you want to negotiate with me or talk to me about a deal, those calls are scheduled on my calendar after I finish my workout and never before because I feel my strongest then. There is a strategy to these things to design your days.

One part is a surprise for some people. It is fun. You’re like, “Do I have to schedule fun like I scheduled my workout?” I’m guessing I know the answer but I would love to hear you talk about that a little bit.

 

One of the rules is, “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities.” Fun is one of the Fs that I discussed for a while about including it. At the onset, some of the feedback was that fun sounded juvenile. They were like, “Where does fun fit in this area?” Quite frankly, while fun is number six there, you could argue you should flip it around. In a way, it should be right at the top because what are we doing anything in life if we’re not having fun?

For people like you who like to work out, you have fun doing it. For people who hate to work out, it’s drudgery. For people like you who put your family first, you’re going to your son’s game after this interview. That’s not a family first for you but I’m guessing it’s fun for you to watch your son play.

We can all define fun differently in what our priorities are. There’s good fun and there’s maybe not such good fun. I had a lot of not-such-good fun for a lot of years. There was a period in my life when even that worked. My fun is very different. I happen to enjoy working out. I enjoy taking on certain challenges. That is fun for me. I don’t consider that the same level of motivation or discipline because I have a natural gravitation towards that.

In a lot of ways that I work with people, that may not be where they naturally gravitate. They’ve never felt fun before. We have to find things that are fun for them that provide what I call the minimum effective dose. What do you got to put in to get the result you want no more, no less? This isn’t something you truly want to do on your own in there and you go into those areas. Fun is vital. Middle-aged men, in general, are not happy.

There are all kinds of health risks and all kinds of stuff. In addition to people hiring you to coach them and be in your community, you are hired as a keynote speaker. Who hires you? Who’s your ideal audience? What’s your topic?

I learned so much from you about this area because this is a newer part of my journey. When you talk at the onset about it never being too late, I’m getting started in this area. One of my bucket list dream items was to speak on a big stage. Here, you and I are walking around backstage in Detroit and you’re telling me stories. I’m looking at this and it’s amazing.

One, I hope that the takeaway is it’s never too late to do anything. For me, that was writing and speaking. For who hires me and who brings me on, the message is applicable to anyone and everyone regardless of age or stage. I happen to stay narrow and deep in midlife men because that’s where I am.

It’s in the audience’s shoes if that’s whom you’re speaking to.

[bctt tweet=”Midlife does not have to be a crisis.” username=”John_Livesay”]

Some companies and organizations want their people to feel better about themselves and to understand, in a way, that they might not be the CEO of the organization that they work with but they are the CEOs of their lives. They are empowered and able. Quite frankly, if they take care of themselves, prioritize health and fitness, have a personal operating system, watch their sleep and have hobbies and side projects, they’re going to perform better in your organization.

Happy people fulfill people who are good husbands, providers, partners, fathers and parents. These people that are doing well in life do well everywhere. It’s all connected. Those types of organizations hire me because I’ve been on the other side. I have been the entrepreneur who started a company and succeeded. I’ve been the entrepreneur who started a company and failed. I’ve done fifteen years in large-scale professional service companies going from 45 people to 200 people.

I’ve been to every sales meeting imagined. I’ve been to every retreat you can imagine. I’ve had commissions slashed. I’ve had incentive trips and offers. I’ve had speakers up on stage talking to us when we’ve sat there in the audience going, “I can’t believe they paid this guy $30,000 and they got our commission of 20%.” I get it. What motivates you? What drives you?

When we talk about corporate culture, the culture starts with you. Companies don’t care about people. People care about people. Those types of organizations and groups bring me in. These are events, experiences and men’s groups. Women’s groups and organizations, quite frankly, love this because of what they want to know, which is what middle-aged men are thinking. Forty percent of my coaching inquiries come from women. It is not for themselves. They’re like, “Would you work with my husband?”

Speaking of that, that’s what makes this book a wonderful holiday gift for Father’s Day, Christmas, Hanukkah or whatever your thing is around the holidays. What a great gift to give your dad or uncle for Thanksgiving. I’m so grateful to have you in my life as a role model. Your book could not be coming out at a better time. The book is called The Midlife Male. If anybody wants to follow you on social media, they can put that in with your name. Your website is MidlifeMale.com. Do you have any last thoughts or quotes that you want to leave us? Thank you so much for sharing all your passion with us.

This is great. Thank you so much for having me. You touched on a couple of key points. I’ll leave a few takeaways. One is it is never too late. My number one message is to start. People spend a lot of time thinking about when the right time is to start. Whatever that is, whether it’s a health journey, starting a new job, leaving a new job or picking up a hobby, start before it’s perfect. It will never be perfect. Put one foot in front of the other. Get going. You will build momentum. You will ultimately be successful if you are consistent.

The second thing is knowing what’s important is what’s most important. You got to know. I’m going to leave you with another thing. Sit down. Take the time to think about what is most important to you. What are your non-negotiables? What are your priorities? Write them down. Back to the last thing. Back into it. Reverse engineer it. Put it on your calendar. That goes back to, “Show me your calendar and I’ll show you your priorities.” If your calendar is not reflective of what is most important to you in life no matter what your Fs may be, whether it is family, fitness, food, fashion, finance or fun, the numbers don’t lie.

What a treat. I am so excited for people to get this book for themselves and the men in their lives. This is going to be something that people are going to re-read, buy multiple copies of and get people thanking them for giving it to them. You’re a gift. Greg, thanks for giving us your gift of you.

Thank you so much, John. Everyone’s got a story. I appreciate you allowing me to share some of mine. You know how important this stuff is. I appreciate you.

 

Important Links

• The Midlife Male
• The Midlife Male Podcast
• @GregScheinman – Instagram
• MidlifeMale.com
• https://MidlifeMale.com/About

 

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Tags: holistic living, life priorities, living better, Midlife crisis, Midlife Male, transforming life