What Do You Have In Common With Lady Gaga and Hugh Jackman?

Posted by Cristen Fitzpatrick in blog | 0 comments

While you may not be a famous singer or movie star, you have more in common with these two than you might think. Both of them put themselves out there in a big way! Both of them are very vulnerable on their social media posts. Both of them have been snubbed or criticized in ways that would devastate most of us.

If you never put yourself out there, the illusion you have created is that you will be safe and never get hurt.

In October of 2009, I was laid off from my job at Conde Nast during a time when the mortgage crisis was impacting many businesses’ sales. I realized I had to reinvent myself and learn how to go from selling print ads to selling digital ads. The Daily Beast was hiring, and I put everything I had into getting a job there including paying to fly myself to NY for an interview at a time when I did not have any money coming in. (I told them I was coming to New York to see friends so it would be great to get an interview since I’d be in town anyway.)

One of my friends asked me, “Why are you trying so hard after you just got laid off? Take the rest of the year off to lick your wounds. Won’t you feel horrible if you put yourself out there and don’t get the job?” My response was “I’d rather give it everything I’ve got and get a no rather than hold back from fear of rejection.”

We all have the decision to go for it and let the chips fall where they may without any attachment to the outcome. In this case, I did get the sales job at The Daily Beast. They told me they loved my passion and energy.

Now as a sales keynote speaker, I often get hired once the event planner has interviewed me and the other speakers they are considering because they say “We like your energy.”

Remember: People buy your energy! Money is just energy in action.  When you have a story of why you love what you are doing and can paint a picture of what the future will be like working with you, people want to go on a journey with you.

How did Lady Gaga put herself out there? The first step from going from being a singer to being an actress was her successful debut in A Star is Born. More recently, she starred in House of Gucci where she does not sing, and she was actively campaigning for an Oscar nomination for best actress. Despite getting early buzz and other acting award nominations, and being predicted to be nominated by the oddsmakers, she was “snubbed” by the Academy.

But instead of being bitter, her first social media post after the nominations was to congratulate her friend who was nominated for an Oscar in makeup and hairstyling. She then went on to say, “To all the nominees this year, congratulations on all your hard work, dedication, your nomination,” and she ended with, “your ability to tell amazing stories is a gift to the whole world.”

That is the type of energy to put out into the world.

If you put out bitter words or disappear out of anger or embarrassment, you are putting out a story that nobody wants to hear.

How did Hugh Jackman put himself out there? He agreed to star in The Music Man on Broadway and dedicated himself to learning how to tap dance. The show had so many obstacles with COVID causing it to shut down, and then both he and his co-star Sutton Foster got sick. Luckily for me, I was able to see Hugh Jackman in a preview performance on December 27, 2021, and nobody has more heart and energy when they are on stage. As they say in sports, he left it all on the field (or, in this case, on the stage).

On the night I saw The Music Man, Jackman performed with the understudy who filled in for Sutton Foster. He gave an emotional talk at the end of her first performance, and he sang her praises and those of all the understudies who allow shows to go on. The video of it went viral.

On December 28, Jackman announced he had COVID and the show closed for the next two weeks.  After both Jackman and Sutton recovered, they went back to performing in mid-January. On his Instagram posts, he was doing a countdown until the big opening night in February when critics would come.

The show was a huge hit, and many theatergoers bought tickets in advance. Still, Broadway shows typically rely on great reviews for ticket sales.

The reviews were mixed at best. Variety says “Hugh Jackman shines,” where the NY Times says “Even with Hugh Jackman, The Music Man Falls Flat.”

How do Hugh Jackman and his cast go out there the next night and not let the negative reviews cause their light to dim? In the same way, you can let go of others’ “negative reviews” or criticisms.

Use the 555 method found in my new book The Sale Is in the Tale.

What is the 555 method?

You think of yourself as the movie director of your own life. When you get rejected, feel disappointed, or even frustrated, you yell “CUT” in your head. You zoom out and ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 minutes?
Will this matter in 5 hours?
Will this matter in 5 days?

If the answer is Yes, then 555 again! 

5 weeks?
5 months?
5 years?

The response to this new tool has been so rewarding to me as a sales keynote speaker who puts out new content as a leap of faith it will help people.

Here are some of the comments:

     Got A Problem? 555 it!

     Love the approach!!!! I just 555’d something this morning

     Would you keep your hand on a hot stove for more than a second? No! The pain is important for a second, then whoosh! Pull back! Use the 555 method

     I love this 555 method. It really doesn’t matter 5 hours from now….unless it is a BIG thing in your life. WE can’t give the little things so much energy.

Next time you get snubbed or get a negative review on your performance, do what Lady Gaga and Hugh Jackman did. Zoom out and don’t let others’ opinions of whether you are a star or not stop you from telling your story!

And if you are seeking a sales keynote speaker to teach your team how to tell stories that tug at the heartstrings so people who open their purse strings, reach out to me here.

How Badly Do You Want It?

Posted by John Livesay in blog | 0 comments

This is a question we have to ask ourselves in all areas of our life.

The new year is often a time when people want to get in better shape. All the nutritionists and trainers will ask people the same thing, “How bad do you want this improvement?”

If you want to launch or grow your own business, people typically set goals for the new year. Again, the question is “How badly do you want it?” If you give up at the first sign of struggle or rejection, you will probably not achieve your goals.

For me, seeing live theatre is food for my soul. When Broadway shows shut down during the pandemic, I missed them. When vaccines became available in Spring 2021, Broadway shows started to slowly reopen that summer, and I started to plan my trip to New York City to see shows at the end of December.

If there is one thing life constantly teaches us, it is that just because we make plans or think, “Surely by that time things will be ‘back to normal,’” that is not always the case. 

With the outbreak of the Omicron variant hitting New York City especially hard, some people thought I was crazy to still go. I thought often about the question: “How badly do I want to see shows and feel alive and moved?” 

Then my decision to still go was put to the test even more. Right before I was scheduled to fly non-stop from Austin to New York, flights started getting canceled because crews were sick. The night before my non-stop flight, I received the news that my flight was no longer running.

I was luckily able to rebook through St. Louis with an hour and a half layover. I thought to myself “If everything goes well, I should still get to NY in time to see my first show about the life of Tina Turner.”

While both flights were slightly delayed, I still got to NY in time, only to find out that the Tina Turner show was canceled because the cast was sick, so I decided to see if there were tickets to another show. It was two hours before the curtain, and I was able to get tickets to see Caroline or Change. 

The show was emotionally moving and visually creative with the costumes. 

My theatre pal Phillip Sherman had flown in from LA was there, too, and we were both up for the last-minute change. We both decided to be happy regardless of the outcome and enjoy being in New York during the holidays.

Next up was Music Man with Hugh Jackman. This is the hot ticket of the season, and I am a big fan after I saw him perform live at the Hollywood Bowl.

That night we went to see the show with Hugh Jackman who radiates charisma and charm while also dancing up a storm. It was a great show full of energy, and I was impressed by all the performers. The next morning it was announced Hugh had Covid, and the show would be dark until early January.

Music Man has had its own journey of being ready to open before the pandemic, canceling, and then now reopening. Live theatre is always about capturing a unique experience, but seeing this show after what it went through to get on Broadway gave me a whole new sense of appreciation.

Next up, we saw Patti Lupone in Company. The creator Stephen Sondheim recently passed away shortly after he attended opening night, and as a result, the show’s message of “being alive” took on new meaning. It might well be the last musical Patti Lupone does as she was “retired” before being talked into coming back to do this show.

At intermission, I talked with a mom and her 20-something daughter who flew in from Chicago. She said they, too, decided to come to New York now because their mental health was just as important as their physical health.  They needed to get out of the house and felt safe enough with their vaccinations and masks. Everyone at all the shows really wanted to be there and showed their enthusiasm with intense applause.

We were then supposed to see Moulin Rouge, but that was canceled, so we decided instead to go to the Whitney Museum to see the Jasper John exhibit as another way to feed our souls. There is nothing like seeing art in person, rather than virtually. Having lunch on the penthouse floor while looking out at city views was exhilarating.

Next up, we saw To Kill A Mockingbird, starring Jeff Daniels who had only recently returned in the drama. He left the show shortly after we saw it, and it was another stellar performance by a seasoned actor.

After the matinee, we came out and found ourselves directly across the street from Sardi’s. I said, “Let’s go in and see if we can get a table.” They normally require a 3-month reservation, but it was early, and the restaurant had been closed for over 600 days. We got in! What a special treat. 

We finished the visit by watching the fun Mrs. Doubtfire which had recently been closed for 10 days. It was the perfect light-hearted way to end the visit. After I got back to Austin, they announced they would be dark for 90 days.

The future is always unknown, and we are all making choices based on what we value. Seeing artists and performers at the top of their game, who give their all, inspire me to do the same. In a way, we are all artists even if we don’t act, sing, or dance. We tell our stories in the way we live our lives and support what we treasure.

Resiliency Through Hard Times: The Loss of my First Dog

Posted by Cristen Fitzpatrick in blog | 0 comments

Happiness

One of the happiest days of my life was the day I was able to bring home my new King Charles Cavalier Spaniel puppy who was only 8 weeks old. He was so sweet and affectionate, I decided to call him Buddy. He quickly lived up to his name and followed me from room to room. He would fall asleep on my lap and quickly learned how to play fetch. Taking him to obedience school was a lesson for me in how to communicate clearly and give feedback immediately. When he learned to run to me across the lawn when I called his name, I felt elation and joy at both his enthusiasm and accomplishment. Who doesn’t want to be greeted with that kind of happy, unconditional love?

Soon, Buddy was the talk of the neighborhood from our daily walks. One time, a woman stopped her car and asked to take a selfie with him! As Buddy got older, he just became more and more affectionate and fun to be around. He became my personal companion as I went through the transition of being laid off from my job to working for myself from home. He soon became my co-worker. (Who says you can’t have a “co-worker” fall asleep on your lap when he only weighs 10 lbs?)

Loss

About two months before Buddy’s 3rd birthday, he suddenly seemed tired and wasn’t interested in eating. He would often let out a yelp for no reason at all. I took him to the vet and he said, “Let us keep him overnight and we can give him fluids and a shot to see if he will get better.” The next day, the news was not good. “He is not responding the way we hoped. We have to do an MRI to see what is going on.” The news got worse as the results showed he had SM which is a rare genetic disease that causes the brain to grow bigger than the skull. It is painful, which explained the yelping. There is no cure.

The decision I had to make was to let him suffer or put him to sleep. This was especially painful for me because I had to make a similar decision for my Dad just 4 years earlier, who at 83 year old had a gradual decline leading to being in a coma in an ICU. He had me as his POA, and I had to tell the staff to stop care as he didn’t want to live like that anymore. But the decision to stop someone’s pain and suffering is never easy and one that can make you second  guess your decision long after it is done.

Struggle

My struggle to understand what had happened to Buddy was confusing and made me feel like my world didn’t make sense. What was fair about a small little dog, who only gave love, having to give up his life so soon? I had dealt with loss before: loss of a job, loss of a loved one. But nothing prepared me for this type of loss. While I told myself that I can cope as I did with other losses, the loss of Buddy haunted me in a different way. I felt like I was losing my connection to my source of unconditional love. The question of “who am I?” without my job took some getting used to as I adjusted to a new norm. The question of “who am I?” without my dad was a big adjustment as I took a long hard look at my own sense of mortality and asked myself the tough questions, like “Am I doing what I want to be doing?” But “who am I?” without my dog Buddy seemed confusing and profound in a way I did not expect.

To help clear my confusion about why this was so painful, I wrote down 10 things I learned from Buddy:

1. Stay in the moment. Let things go instantly, even if they are scary things.
2. Accept people for who are they are. Greet everyone as a friend.
3. Find joy in simple pleasures: belly rubs, sitting in the sun.
4. Don’t fear the future.
5. Don’t think about the past.
6. Expect the best from others but forgive them if you don’t get it.
7. Be grateful for what you have: food, kisses when you come home.
8. Take naps.
9. Look people in the eye.
10. Learn new tricks.

I realized that these were my own lessons about myself I needed to learn. For instance, I needed to learn to stay in the moment more and forgive faster and find joy in simple things. When I realized this daily reminder was a big source of my grief, I started to begin the process to heal.

Revelation

A friend suggested I write Buddy a letter to express my gratitude as part of the process.

Buddy,

You took me to a whole new level of love. You kept me company in my lap as I launched my podcast and went on morning runs with me to get our day started out right. From you hopping on my stomach when I stretched out my back to climbing all over me at night to get your treats, I will miss your constant affection.
Seeing you wag your tail and having you run into my arms always put a smile on my face. You showed me how to trust that the world is a safe place full of love. You treated everyone with love and respect and were happy to roll on your back for a belly rub at anytime.
To say you will be missed is an understatement. You really lived a life of quality over quantity and opened my heart up forever.

I Love You,
John

Then I asked myself, What if Buddy could write me back? I sat quietly and imagined what he would say and here is what came pouring out:

Dear John,

Thank you for loving me so much you let me sleep rather than experience more pain or surgery.
You made me feel so loved from the very first day.
You worked so hard to find food I like and hand-fed me when I didn’t care about eating.
Sleeping with you made me feel safe and loved.
We had so much fun playing Fetch.
You had me meet so many other people (who all loved me) and dogs to play with.
I loved sitting on your lap and sleeping while you worked.
I am free and will love you both forever.
Whoever is in your life is loved and know I’m with you always.

Love,
Buddy

I realized I had been trying to “bury” the loss and put it in my past. It is like driving fast, hoping the pain was in my rearview mirror and would disappear. But until I wrote that letter and got an answer from Buddy, the pain did not disappear. After, I finally started to have some peace of mind.

Lessons Learned

Ironically, three months later, the owner of Buddy’s brother, Coco, contacted me. He said he could no longer keep Coco and, “If anyone should have Buddy’s life, it should be his brother.” I knew Coco because he and Buddy would see each other often for play dates. So while it was never about replacing Buddy, it was a comfort to have Coco and part of Buddy’s DNA in my life.

What I missed most was seeing them play together, so four months after that, I got Coco a companion I named Pepe, who is also a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel. I have gone from the depths of despair taking walks by myself after Buddy passed to having two dogs now that love and support me and play together all the time.

My vision is a world where people can find their own way back from loss and exercise the resilience muscle rather than grief being so all-consuming that it seems like it will never end.

Writing a letter to the person or dog that you lost is similar to a practice Jungians and indigenous people use. Jung called it “active imagination.”  The word “imagination” refers to one of the three major ways in which we access what Jung called the “unconscious” and indigenous cultures would call “the invisible world.” The other two tools are dreams and visions.

When we allow ourselves to dream and reconnect with the soul and love of the animal or person we lost by actively writing a letter of lessons learned, we can start to repair and rebuild up our resilience muscle as we heal our heart muscle.

A friend asked me that if I knew Buddy would die before he was 3 years old and I would feel this sad, would I do it all over again? I said yes! The joy and life lessons are so profound and a life that has no sadness has no joy either.