Bust Your Limiting Beliefs With Christopher Burns

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TSP Christopher Burns | Limiting Beliefs

 

Most people have been thought to believe in one thing their whole life without really understanding why. Some of these beliefs would be limiting beliefs. They would stop you from reaching your full potential. Find a new identity for yourself so that you can improve in whatever business you’re doing. This is how Christopher Burns became the person he is today. Christopher is the founder of Men Mastermind. He dedicated his life to coaching men to activate their purpose, power, and prosperity. John Livesay brings him in to the show to teach you how to remove your limiting beliefs and activate your purpose today.

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Bust Your Limiting Beliefs With Christopher Burns

Our guest is Christopher Burns. He dedicated his life to coaching men to activate their purpose, power and prosperity. He teaches people how to go within to master themselves, which allows them to create their dreams. He’s been coaching men, entrepreneur and leaders for several years and works with these clients one-on-one, group coaching and home study courses. Welcome to the show, Christopher.

Thank you, John. It’s great to be here. I’m grateful to be on the journey together. Thanks for having me.

I love to ask my guests their own story of origin. You can go back to childhood or school, wherever you want to start your story. I have a friend that I’m a godfather to his son and I say, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” There are lots of obvious choices like a fireman or whatever. In his case, a security guard came out. I was like, “We might want to aim a little higher but okay. Is it the uniform you like? What’s going on?” Most people don’t have a childhood dream of doing what you’re doing. That’s why I’m fascinated to hear when did that start.

I dreamed of riding dirt bikes and motocross races when I was younger. That was something my dad and I did as a bonding time. We would go out to the desert and ride dirt bikes in Southern California. I was a curious kid. I saw opportunities and I was questioning, “How does the world work?” Here’s an example. When we were driving up to Northern California where our family has a cabin, I asked, “If someone throws a baseball in one car going one way and another person throws a baseball in another car going towards us, at what speed do the baseballs hit each other?”

[bctt tweet=”Accountability partner keeps your revenue consistent.” username=”John_Livesay”]

It was funny because that’s how my mind worked. At the same time, I was so curious that it started to aggravate my dad a little bit. He had a little shorter of a temper and he said, “Don’t you ever stop asking questions? Don’t you ever just enjoy?” That was that moment where I was like, “It’s not okay for me to self-express, to be curious and to be me.” That was one of the first memories of having that. Over the next decade or so I proceeded to close myself up and shut myself off from being self-expressed.

You might see me now communicating fairly effectively on podcasts, interviews and speaking. Throughout high school, I was so shy. I didn’t know how to communicate. I didn’t know how to self-express. I was introverted and afraid of what people thought about me and the world in general. I didn’t want to pick up the phone and schedule a dentist or a doctor appointment. I’ll say, “I don’t want to deal with that, mom, you deal with that. Dad, you deal with it.” It was a scary time for me in being a young man and then trying to figure out life. As children, I believe we get to figure out what is our journey in life and what are we meant to do.

I went to school for Electrical Engineering. I got my degree but I was also not seeing myself in that traditional route and hired a life coach. I was going to Toastmasters and things like that. Lee Adams owned a successful radio electronics store in Southern California. At the time, he was dying of cancer and he was attempting to overcome that. I was so inspired by him that he was giving his last breaths being of service, contributing to me and other people who we believed in to live their dream life that I was moved by, “This guy is living for something.” That stuck with me and planted a seed that I love to serve people. I love to help people make their dreams come true, especially men in this vehicle of the Men Mastermind, mastering men within. That’s a brief overview of a couple of those key points that made me so passionate about coaching.

I want to double click on “I’m too shy to even call a dentist” to now go where you’re running men’s groups and speaking. That’s quite the hero’s journey, as we say in the world of storytelling. It’s quite an arc. Most people don’t start quite that shy. It’s interesting when my mom was visiting me when I was living in LA and I said, “Let’s go into the Beverly Hills Hotel. They have lots of movies there and there are all kinds of history.” She’s like, “No, I’ve not dressed appropriately.” It never occurred to me to not feel okay enough to go into a hotel lobby. My mom is from a different generation. It’s not like she was wearing cutoffs or something, but she didn’t have the proper jewelry on or whatever her mindset was about that.

TSP Christopher Burns | Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs: Look for your limiting beliefs and remove what you got programmed into believing. Identify the beliefs that are sabotaging you.

 

That was my first a-ha of on some level, my self-esteem is higher than hers. That’s always a little trivial even as a young adult. You’re like, “I got other issues but that’s not one of them.” Do you think it stems from a fear of what other people are going to think about you? You’ve insinuated that. I’m not a therapist here so we don’t need to even figure out where that came from. How does somebody might have a small dose of that? I teach people all the time when I talk to sales teams that the fear of rejection is the number one thing that keeps people from going into sales. It causes burnout and we all have to sell ourselves whether we have that as a title or not. How did you get to the place where you’re like, “What somebody thinks of me is not going to keep me up at night?” What did you do to get over that?

I’ll be the first person to say that I’m still a work in progress. I’m still a recovering people pleaser, but I would do whatever I could to put myself in the fire. How do I put myself in the fire? I did nine months of door-to-door sales for Verizon phone lines and business in Southern California heat. It wasn’t the most pleasant experience but I got a lot of experience there. Even before that, I was in a network marketing company trying that out for about one year and quickly learned how much I had to grow in my leadership, self-esteem and confidence. I said, “What’s something I can do to challenge myself to break through this lack of self-confidence or self-esteem several years ago? Let’s go to Southern California, Cal State Fullerton College and go up to 50 random women and ask them for their phone number.” It doesn’t matter if I get it or not. I don’t even stick around long enough to get it. I just ask the question because it’s the question that I’m afraid of asking or was afraid of asking. I did that and it was so exhilarating. It’s such an adrenaline rush and so activating for me that it changed me forever.

The takeaway here is when you confront your fears and repeatedly do the thing that scares you, you start to realize that after a while, it’s no longer triggering and you’re not attached to the outcome. That was the real secret. “I have to do it,” and then after you have your 10th or 20th no, a yes is almost a surprise, “Here’s my phone number,” or maybe you change the way you’re asking to play around with it. The key and what I’m getting is not being attached to the outcome allows us to let go of some of our fears. Would that be a good tweak for the episode?

Yes. It’s a commitment to the growth mindset versus a fixed mindset.

[bctt tweet=”Have a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset.” username=”John_Livesay”]

That’s the old comfort zone again, isn’t it? Tim Sanders was kind enough to write the foreword to my book and he talked about it in terms of you either have an abundance mindset or a scarcity mindset. Einstein said, “The biggest decision you’ll ever make is, do I think the world is a friendly and safe place or not?” This growth mindset or fixed mindset is in that same genre of me growing, “Does that take away from someone else?” You do have a mindset that there’s a fixed amount of abundance and joy in the world or do you feel like it’s fixed? That leads to the next question which is you also help people become more prosperous whether they’re working with you one-on-one or in one of your masterminds. Let’s talk about your mindset and your beliefs around money and any growth you had to do on that.

I’m always a work in progress personally. I believe that we’ll keep working until we’re in the grave on becoming a better version of ourselves. For my upbringing, we were comfortable, upper-middle-class. In that next step up, the truly wealthy elite thing. My family had a negative view towards that like, “Power is bad. Power corrupts. Greed is bad.” All these things that I had to work through. I had the opportunity of excavating these limiting beliefs. That would be the very first thing if someone’s not where they want to be with prosperity with either the amount of money that they have or feeling and experiencing the prosperity that’s all around them because truly, we live in an infinitely abundant universe.

It’s all about our recognition and awareness of it. The first thing that I did was start writing down those limiting beliefs so I could get it out of my automatic monkey mind and the machine that keeps replaying the same tapes over and over again because that’s what I got programmed into believing. I got that down on paper and went through various reprogramming techniques but a simple one is crossing out the limiting belief and replacing it with a more positive statement. That’s something that anyone can do at any time.

The first commitment is I’m going to identify and inventory when these beliefs are sabotaging you when they come up. When I think about money, successful people or what it means to have a big business, does that mean I’m a slave to my business or does it mean freedom? It’s going through that process of re-choosing what is the reality that I want to create. I fully believe that we are the creators of our reality. Life is a game. It doesn’t mean it’s trivial but it is a game that I believe that we make up the rules. That’s a powerful place to stand in.

TSP Christopher Burns | Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs: When you shift your identity, there’s an old identity that someone might have and you get to let go of that person. If you don’t have a new identity to step into, someone doesn’t have that new identity.

 

I tell people, “You’re the movie director of your own life. You can yell ‘cut’ at any time if you start playing out a horror movie of what the future might be.” That gives us the power. You can change locations as I did moving to Austin. That gives you a lot of freedom. It’s so important to write down because so many people in a digital age don’t write things down anymore. If you write it down, there’s that limiting belief again.” It’s so subtle and almost insidious. I remember growing up and I’d say something about, “Can we do this? Can we get that?” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” That’s now implanted. I didn’t say it did but you’re implying that it’s not abundant. You’re not even aware that you’re implying that.

Excavating all that old stuff, writing it down and going, “Where did that come from? Does it really matter? Do I believe it true or false? Got it.” That’s a great starting point for getting people to go, “How do I replace it?” What I want to ask you about is and I want to see if you are doing something along these same lines. When I ask someone to stop thinking a certain way or let go of an old way of doing something, let’s say pushing out information to get people to buy. I say, “I want you to start telling stories and pull them in.” It’s crucial to give somebody something to replace something with. You can’t just say, “Don’t do this anymore,” and not give them what they should do as an alternative. Writing down the limiting beliefs and putting an X and throwing away doesn’t help unless you’ve got a whole new set to go in there. That’s what I’m getting at. I want to hear your thoughts on that.

Charles Duhigg’s The Power of Habit is a great start of that like nature abhors a vacuum if you don’t have a positive habit to replace the negative habit. You can do all the work that you want to replace the negative thing but chances are, you’re going to find the path of least resistance. Someone’s going to do that and it’s probably not going to be the best habit that could fill that space and slot. Another thing is the identity level, which is more in Atomic Habits with James Clear. It’s another habit formation stuff study. When you shift your identity, there’s an old identity that someone might have and you get to let go of that person. You get to kill off that person. If you don’t have a new identity to step into or if someone doesn’t have that new identity, then it will be very difficult for them to progress in a meaningful way. They will be leaving it up to chance. They will be a boat adrift at sea rather than a plane that is chartering a course to a specific destination.

Somebody’s got to take control of it. I talk about it in terms of being a copilot with your buyer and you’re both in the cockpit. You’re not flying the plane alone and they’re not flying the plane. It’s this concept of when you ask someone to buy or hire you or whatever it is, it’s not a shock. I said, “When we go on an airplane ride and they go without landing at LAX, no one ever stands up and goes, what?” I’m never going to fly around forever and yet, if you’re just adrift and your life is reacting to things and you’re like, “I have a flight plan and I have a destination in mind and a path to get there.” I might have to change the path like an airplane does with weather or what have you, but at least there’s a plan and we know where we’re going or where we plan to go as opposed to, “We’re going to get up and fly around and see what happens to the wind.” That’s a kite. That’s not an airplane ride.

[bctt tweet=”The fear of rejection is the number one thing that keeps people from going into sales.” username=”John_Livesay”]

This relates for me to the masculine energy and a healthy masculine because we might hear a lot about toxic masculinity these days. I believe that healthy masculine energy sets a container, sets a context, holds the frame and says, “This is what’s going to happen. I’m going to lead us to where we want to go. Together, we are going to go here. Does that work for you?” They check-in and they have this boldness, confidence and knowingness that, “Where I’m going matters. It’s meaningful and valuable. I wouldn’t be here unless I was planning on getting us to something that’s going to make a difference for someone’s life.” That’s key in the masculine aspect and especially with people not having a lot of great masculine role models growing up that we get to step back into that and trust that that masculine is valuable when it’s done in a healthy, not overly aggressive, overly controlling or overly manipulative way but rather purely, “Do you want to go on this journey? Here’s where we’re going.” It’s that open invitation which I believe is key in sales.

I tell people, “Once you tell a good story, the question is do you want to go on that journey with me?” It’s not about pushing them to do something. You’ve told a story that they see themselves in. One of the challenges I faced and I know that you helped a lot of men deal with is feast and famine. When I had a corporate job, you know what your paycheck is and you hit your bonus, you get some more money. It’s not so much a roller coaster. When you’re an entrepreneur, that stability is gone. Sometimes you have a great month and then sometimes a slow month. A pandemic or all kinds of things can happen. Especially as a speaker you’re like, “I need to learn how to do virtual talks now, not just in-person.” What tips do you give in your coaching and masterminds around breaking through these cycles? Does it keep going back to mindset or is some systems not in place?

I know you would have a great mindset around resilience and adaptability because of your TED Talk. For me, the thing that I focus on is if you can have someone outside of you like you said with that copilot, whether it’s a coach, an accountability partner, a business partner, a colleague, whatever it is, but someone who is able to be there to check you and check the person, check one of our readers on their growth, on their metrics, on the statistics that matter and are vital to them in their business, then I find that accountability is essential, especially for people who start up their own venture, their own vehicle.

For me, it was difficult to go from listening to teachers and bosses for most of my life and then transition into I get to generate myself. I get to generate my own activity, energy levels, intention, focus and activity. I find that having someone by to you who is able to be that copilot and consistently hold us accountable is key. For me, coaching is one of those things. Even masterminds is a great thing. If you could share about where you’re at, what your numbers are in the group. I think that’s super important but ultimately, what are those processes every week that we look at? We’ve probably all heard of KPIs, Key Performance Indicators. How do we know if we’re on track or off track? The real key is, do I know the vitals of my business? Do I track those on a daily, weekly and monthly business? Am I in tune with those? Do I know what those are so that I can course-correct them if need be?

TSP Christopher Burns | Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs: You need to have someone outside of you, whether it be a coach or a colleague, who is able to be there and to check on you.

 

Am I in tune with those? That’s the magic source there because everything is energy, money is energy, relationships are energy. I remember when I was being interviewed for a speaking engagement and it was between me and two other speakers and then I get the email from the agent go, “Congrats, they picked you. They liked your energy.” Literally, that’s what they said. I thought, “Is it that obvious?” That’s what people are buying. It’s not the book, the content, the tours, the video or all the things that we think are going to get them to say yes. Later the event planner said, “I felt so good talking to you. I figured that if I feel this good, you’ll make the whole audience feel that great.”

This accountability partner keeps revenue consistent. That’s a nice little tweet for the episode as well because that sums up what you said in a way. This course-correct part is so crucial because if you’re flying solo and you don’t have anybody, you might not save yourself time to pull up on the airplane. If you’re thinking of it in terms of eating during the pandemic, “I gained some weight.” It’s like, “What are you going to do to fix it?” The next thing you know, “I haven’t done anything,” then you’re like, “Pull up already.” If there’s no one there going, “I see you’re eating more and exercising less, you know that’s not a recipe for what you want. How much longer you think that suits going to fit?” That’s probably the biggest challenge in why a mastermind that you offer is so valuable. It’s the isolation. In prison that’s the worst punishment, solitary confinement. We can’t go it alone in our lives or in our business. You have three pillars that you have in your curriculum. I’d love to hear what those are.

The three pillars of the mastered man curriculum are purpose, power and prosperity. Going back to what you were saying about isolation, I believe that when someone is alone, the confinement, they’re in prison by themselves, they get to sit with the shame and what they’ve done. There’s no human connection, openness, realness, transparency and vulnerability. Starting with that power pillar is out of order but the power pillar relates to this because if someone doesn’t feel powerful and able to express themselves like I know I didn’t when I was growing up and when I was super shy and introverted.

I know that when one of my clients launched his podcast, he didn’t feel powerful to be able to do that. He didn’t feel like he had the confidence to know-how. He was stuck in his head trying to figure things out. It was this block for him so when he reconnected with his self-esteem, self-worth and power, he was able to step into that and launch something that now is impacting a lot of people’s lives. That would be the power of prosperity and freeing ourselves of shame, limiting beliefs and things like that. The purpose pillar is where we start, typically. That’s because of identifying what is the vision for our life, the dream, the desire, where we want to get to, the destination so that we can course correct, so that we can start making different choices, putting in different habits, putting in different routines, activities and systems to be able to get there. We first got to know where do we want to get to and then also come to a humble acceptance of where we are now. That’s a big challenge for a lot of men especially. It’s the ego of, “I’m supposed to have it all together. I’m supposed to have it all figured out.” When we can be humble about that, we get so much freedom.

[bctt tweet=”In order to confront your fears, you need to do whatever you could to put yourself in the fire. ” username=”John_Livesay”]

I remember on a family vacation, we would drive and this is way before GPS and my dad would get lost. You could not get that man to pull over and ask for directions. I’m like, “Can we please pull up? Ask someone. We’ve gone too far.” “No.” “Why?” He’s like, “I’m a guy. I should be able to figure this out. I don’t want to bother.” Whatever the belief system is. It’s not just about money. It’s this concept of going it alone. Therefore, if I make a mistake, you don’t have any compassion for yourself and you’re judging yourself so harshly.

I remember hearing someone talk about the whole process of driving is error correct. On the freeway, you start to get a little too far to the lane. The movements are so subtle. I love that concept of driving is an ongoing series of error correct. It’s all unconscious competence, so why would we suddenly fear that we can’t make mistakes because we’re always making mistakes. They’re not huge. Luckily, we don’t crash the car but it’s always that. I love it. Christopher, do you have any last thought or a quote you want to leave us with?

I’d love to breathe, John. I believe breath has gone backseat in a lot of people’s lives and their personal presence and power in that aspect. For me, getting in touch with our breathing and activating our bodies, getting reconnected with our bodies, there’s so much wisdom within our bodies. If we want to be better salespeople, leaders, fathers, wives, whatever it is, if we are striving to be a better version of ourselves, then I believe we get to tap into the power within us. There are all kinds of different routines and things that you can do. A simple one is to reconnect with your breathing and that can start with 1, 2 or 3 minutes of being mindful and present. The mentor of mine, Jeremy, calls it having a mind break. If you take a three-minute mind break and you do this a couple of times throughout the day, it can drastically improve your performance because you’re able to be centered, grounded and ready to go versus all spun up and in reaction mode.

If people want to reach out to you to find out about your programs, your masterminds, where should they go?

Go to MenMastermind.com. You can also shoot me a DM on Facebook or Instagram. Facebook is @Th3Burns. Instagram is @IAmMillionaireChris. You can also email me, [email protected].

Thank you so much, Christopher. It’s been great hearing your insights. I’m going to be fascinated to watch you continue to grow. If you’re this far along in your life and your career at the ripe young age of 30, it’s going to be fun to cheer you on from the sidelines even if you don’t know I’m doing it.

I feel the support. Thank you so much, John. Thank you to everyone who tuned in. Stay connected to this show because when you pitched successfully, when you are an effective pitch master, learning from the Pitch Whisperer, all areas of life get better for you. John, thank you.

Thank you, Christopher.

 

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Tags: Accountability Partner, Activating Your Purpose, Healthy Masculine Energy, limiting beliefs, Pillars Of A Mastered Man, Positive Habits